I would just like to put into words how I feel about Valentines Day as much for you all as therapy for myself. All my friends worry so much about me on special occasions such as this, but perhaps this is one in which they should not. I am writing this late at night with tears streaming down my face as I am feeling particularly raw at the moment after completing my first half marathon and that night promptly coming down with a horrendous bug. My small son is asleep in bed(my bed) finally. And I at last have a few moments to catch my breath. And what a breath it is to catch.
Darrell always used to say that we weren’t actually soulmates but part of the same person and that is why I now am not quite whole. It is not something you get over but rather something you learn to live with. It stays with you all day, everyday. While you are going about your chores, working, going to gym, you know that a part of you(a big part) is no longer there. I cope with it in the best way I can and spend a lot of time day dreaming about the past.
I feel Valentines Day is less about that romantic meal out and big bunch of flowers and more about feeling loved. Yes it is the Day of love but I feel it is more of an actual feeling than an event. It is quite a sobering and thought provoking thought knowing that your person passed away at the absolute height of loving you. And because of that I think I will always feel loved. I looked at the beautiful child we made together and I felt loved. I looked at his long, long legs and feet that were so yours and I felt loved. I looked at the way he held his little pouty mouth just so and smiled and I felt loved. I remembered the happy, happy times we had together and I felt loved. I know that he will love me till eternity and that makes me feel loved. And because, therefore my Valentines Day this year was not as traumatic as people thought it might be. In actual fact, the whole time Darrell and I were dating, and then married, we never once celebrated Valentines Day. I got extra cuddles and kisses from him every day of the year. And I always felt loved.
So ladies go out and love that special person in your life. Kiss them for that little bit longer, hold their hand while watching that episode of the latest series. Make them feel wanted, needed and that they count. I can promise you that that is the secret to a very happy relationship.
Lots of love